Lost Hope
by catwoman03
Summary: Based after 'Dark Matter' Razer doesn't have hope that Aya is out there and has hidden himself away from Hal and Kilowag. But that will all change. Rated T for safety


**A One-shot where Razer does not have hope that Aya is out there. But little does he know, she could be out there looking for him.**

 **I don't own GLTAS but I wish I did.**

Lost Hope

A year has passed since Aya was taken away by the virus she set to defeat not only the Manhunters, but herself. Razer remembered it as if it were only yesterday that he held his beloved in his arms, finally getting her to come back to him. Only to lose her once again. The pain still clinging to him like a flesh wound refusing to heal.

He tried to have hope. Hope that she was out there. But how? How could she be out there? There was no way she could have survived that, could she?

' _No_.' Razer stopped those thoughts. 'Saint Walker was wrong. There is no hope, she is gone. Believing she is still out there will only be led by false hope.'

Razer was seated on his lounge in his apartment in Oa. The Guardians allowed him to stay after Aya passed. Sayd felt sympathetic for him but he didn't need that. He didn't need their sympathy, he didn't need them. But still, he accepted their offer.

Though both Hal and Kilowag weren't aware nor told that he was living on Oa. They didn't need to know. They had their own lives to live without having to waste their time on him. He would stay here, alone, it seemed to be what he was destined to be. Find love then have it cruelly torn away. Leaving him on his own.

The room was dark, a small light peaking through the curtains that covered to window showing the always moving and always bright Oa. He sat in front of a small table that was covered in empty beer bottles as well as an ash tray holding many cigarette buds. He had given into both drinking and smoking months after Aya's death. It was his way of forgetting the pain of his loss. He knew she would be disappointed if she could see him like this, but she was never coming back. He would never see her ever again.

His apartment stunk of cigarette smoke and of his bad odour. He hasn't showered in days, but that didn't bother him. He wasn't planning on leaving any time soon. He only sat on his lounge, staring away into his own world completely ignoring the one around him.

-X-

 _Three months later_

After the virus had presumably killed her, Aya managed to begin her journey back to Oa. It had taken longer than she had expected, stopping occasionally on inhabited planets to gain even the smallest of power from their spaceships to recharge. Slowly making her way back to her home, to Razer. He was her only source of will. The only thing keeping her going. She only hoped he was not deeply saddened by her 'death', that he had recovered and not returned to the Red Lantern she had first met, filled with sorrow.

After her long journey she finally returns to Oa. She finds an abandoned spaceship and attached herself to the control panel. The ship only had two seats one in front of the other, it reminded her of some images Hal Jordan had shown her of the planes he had flown.

She would have to be patient and wait to fully recharge if she wanted to gain her physical body again. She would be patient.

' _For Razer_...'

-X-

 _Three days later_

"Do yer think Razer's okay?" Kilowag asked completely out of the blue, catching Hal off guard. The two were seated in one of the many dining halls eating their lunch. Hal froze mid-bite of his steak and stared up at the Bolovaxian seated across from him.

He often wondered what happened to their Red Lantern companion. It had been over a year since Razer just disappeared. The last time Hal had seen him was when they had just returned from Maltus, Razer wandered off down one of the small alleyways and that was the last they saw of him. He just vanished. Only two days later did he contact them saying he needed time away from them so he could be alone.

Hal understood he needed space but he hoped he would have come out soon. He worried that Razer had returned to the Red Lantern he first met years ago. He only hoped they would see each other soon.

"...I don't know."

Kilowag's ears drooped back. Hal's rings began flashing as a hologram of Appa appeared atop his ring. "Green Lanterns Hal Jordan and Kilowag, Honour Guard Guy Gardener was called away for a sudden mishap and I need you two to complete one of his errands."

Hal groaned internally. "What do you want us to do?"

"There is an old abandoned ship we have been meaning to dispose of; we need you to be the ones to do it. Don't get any. Ideas. 2814" with that, Appa disappeared. Hal let out a sigh; he discarded his meal along with Kilowag as they made their way to the hanger which happened to hold a recharging Aya.

-X-

Three days was all Aya needed to recharge to her full capacity, even to make herself a new body. She assembled herself in the pilot seat, her body surprisingly identical to her original. She heard footsteps heading toward the ship thought they sounded all too familiar.

"Would you look at that," She heard a male voice she recognized to be none other than Hal Jordan.

"Honestly Jordan, it's not tha' great," she heard Kilowag say. Aya couldn't contain how overwhelmed she was to hear them. She opened the hatch and jumped out of the ship. She turned and saw Hal and Kilowag frozen mid-step, starring at her in disbelief.

"A-a...a...Aya?" Hal tried to speak but the words just weren't coming out. She noted that he was pinching his thigh as if to check he wasn't dreaming.

"Yes, Green Lantern Hal, it is me." Aya stated, a playful grin putting itself on her lips. Kilowag ran to her and picked her up in a tight embrace. Roaring with laughter as he swung her in circles. "Yer back! I can't believe yer back!" he put her down when he began to feel dizzy.

"Thank you, Sergeant Kilowag. I have missed you all deeply." Hal walked over and also pulled her into a tight hug. "Things haven't been the same since you left."

Aya pulled away to notice something was missing, mostly someone.

"Where is Razer?"

The two Green Lanterns looked at each other nervously. _'Something is wrong.'_ She though to herself. Hal cleared his throat before speaking. "Ah...Aya, we haven't seen him since you..." he used hand gestures to say what he couldn't bring himself to say out loud.

Fear slowly crept its way inside her. "Why? Where did he go?" She knew the others could hear the fear in her tone. Hal placed a hand on her shoulder. "That's the thing, we don't know."

Aya powered her jets and flew past them and out into the busy open skies of Oa. She heard them calling out her name but finding Razer was her top priority. She would return to them to explain everything but now, she would not rest until she found him.

Aya knew that when she found him that he will be shocked to see her; So she snuck by one of the stores below and "taxed" as Hal would put it, an emerald green cloak with a large hood. She put it on and flew off to find one of the only Guardians she could trust.

Sayd.

-X-

Sayd was hovering in front of the central battery, admiring its raw power when she could sense she was no longer alone. She turned to see a cloaked feminine figure standing beside her.

"Guardian Sayd, I require your assistance." just saying that alone Sayd knew straight away who was speaking. She was not surprised, she always knew Aya would return.

"What is it I can do for you?"

"I need to find where Red Lantern Razer is, do you know of his whereabouts?"

Sayd looked at her sympathetically. Only she knew what Razer had become. "He is now living in one of the many apartments stationed in Oa...091B if I remember correctly."

Sayd could sense her overjoy of the news when she gave her thanks and flew off in the direction of Razer's apartment.

-X-

Razer had just lit one of his cigarettes when he heard a soft knock on his door. He let out a growl as he got up off the lounge, cigarette still in his mouth, and walked to the door. He opened the door as far as the chain lock would let him, only revealing half his face to see a hooded figure standing at his door. She stood in only what he could describe as shock.

"What do you want?" He scowled. She was taken aback by not only his bad attitude, but the cigarette sitting in the corner of his mouth. "I wish to come in," she stated bluntly. Razer frowned, he recognized her voice but he knew it could be who he thought it was. "Who are you?"

"I am a friend, now please, may I come?" Razer's frown deepened before he shut the door. Aya feared he would leave her to stand there. But she heard the chain rattling as he unlocked the door.

He opened the door wide to show a dark room full of either empty or half empty beer bottles and many ash trays placed around his apartment. Though that was not the worst of it. He was without a shirt nor head covering, no longer wearing his Red Lantern ring. His hair was mangled in every which way, heavy bags under his dulled blue eyes, his thin lips cracked. This was not what Aya had expected to see when she found him. Not at all.

She walked in and took a seat on the lounge, he followed her example and sat down beside her. Letting out a puff of smoke as he placed his cigarette to rest in the ash tray in front of him. He then picked up one of the beer bottles and took a big gulp, a single stream falling from his lips, sliding along his neck and rolling down his muscular chest and stomach and disappearing into the fabric of his pant.

"What happened to you?" was the only thing she could seem to voice aloud. He turned and glare at her. "Excuse me?" his tone was harsh.

"When was the last time you saw Green Lanterns Hal Jordan and Kilowag?" he cringed at hearing their names. Though she already knew the answer, she wanted to hear what he had to say.

"That is none of your concern, besides, they have better things to do than waste their time on me."

"This isn't you, this isn't the Razer I know," She said placing her hand on his cheek, his skin ice cold. He slapped her hand away and stood up.

"Listen; I don't know who you are or what you want but if you think you can just walk in here and tell me what I'm doing wrong with my life, than _get_ _out!_ " Razer snapped. _"_ I know what I'm doing is bad, and I'm not proud. But this was my choice, this is my healing process and if you have a problem with it, the door is that way." he finished pointing his hand holding the beer bottle towards the door.

Aya, a little shocked, stood up and wrapped her fingers around the side of her hood and slowly pulled it away, revealing her face to the Razer who had changed so much in the space of a year.

His face instantly dropped and his eyes widened. His body stiffened and she could sense his heart rate had risen higher than she had ever though it could.

Razer didn't register to smash on the ground when his grip on his bottle was lost. He only focused on starring straight into her eyes. Aya took slow steps towards him as his gaze followed her until she was standing with her hands resting on his chest. Still he was motionless. Only blinking every so often.

"Razer..." she gently placed her hand over his cheek again. He placed his hand over hers as a single tear rolled down the same side of his face. She waited for him to say something but he was utterly speechless, he attempted to speak but nothing would come out.

Instead of words, Razer slowly leaned down, closing his eyes and brushed his lips against hers. Aya mimicked his actions and closed her eyes as her hands wandered behind his neck while his moved to her waist. Holding her there, never wanting to let her go. Razer runs his tongue along her lower lip, Waiting for her permission. She parts her lips as a way of showing approval as his tongue slid inside her mouth. Deepening their kiss. Aya begins to run her fingers through his hair causing him to let out a soft purr.

Unfortunately for Aya, Razer pulled away breathing heavy, resting his head against hers as their noses brushed.

"I love you." was the only words Razer said before he pulled her into a tight hug and sobbed into her shoulder. Whispering his apology, begging for her forgiveness. Aya could only hold him in her arms as he trembled."I love you." he repeated over and over.

When Razer finally pulled away, they stared deeply onto each other's eyes. Aya couldn't help but smile as she could see 'her' Razer was starting to come back. She wiped his tears away, a genuine smile placing itself on Razer's lips.

Razer looked down at himself in disgust and pitifully laughed at himself, he looked up at her. "How do I look?" he croaked out. Her smile grew when she realized what he was doing. She caressed his right cheek. "You look fine." he rested his head against hers once again.

"You always look fine, my love."

 **OH MY GOD!**

 **I know, I know I destroyed Razer and got him smoking and drinking. Trust me I'm not proud of that.**

 **I had this idea all day during school. My head hurts. I started this at 3:00pm and finished at 1:00am!**

 **This is the longest story I've ever written and the first story with a kiss and I felt so awkward writing that part. I think I rushed parts and sorry if some parts didn't make sense or if the ending is a bit weird.**

 **I hope you like it. Please, R &R**


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